Dear me…

It feels like the world is falling apart, and equally like my life is too. I don't know that in my most recent history, I thought I could get here again, but alas, we have arrived at the bottom.

I say, people say, we all try to justify the bottom of this feeling as “if you hit rock bottom, there is only one way to go”, but what if I’m tired of the feeling of hitting rock bottom? What if I don’t want to go up anymore? What’s my option?

I guess it would be giving up, I guess it would be stopping and letting yourself become what you know you aren’t. Lazy, accepting of bad situations, sagent, but who does that help?

Being your worst critic and your biggest fan is a task only built for the truly in love but also in hate of themselves that has ever been, because imagine having someone that supports you so hard, through it all, but who blames you for everything that happens, blames you for the world imploding, let’s just be honest, that person sucks. Does that mean you suck right now? Kind of.

The way you speak to yourself, of yourself, would never be the way you speak to someone you don’t respect, yet it flows so naturally off your tongue right now that it would seem being cruel is your birthright, when we all know it’s not.

What if you changed? What if you kept trying? What if you said, “If you hit rock bottom, it means there is an uphill climb waiting for you”? What if you said, "I love you," instead of "I hate my life"? What if you said, "Dear Me, we will get through this, and I love you"? I think life but reward that type of thinking, but what do I know? I’m just bi-costal from rock bottom & the top.